Being silly is evidently not MCU’s forte, as it seems that in its excitement to be as quirky as possible, logic has stopped making its way to the scripts, something The Marvelshas confirmed beyond any lingering doubt.

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Some pretty heavy spoilers follow for those who haven’t watched The Marvels yet, as well as some emotionally-damaging questions for our fellow Marvel-eers who have binged it, and are standing strong by its supposed merits.

Help us find the same positivity, will you? Because, for the life of us, we can’t find logical answers to the questions below, to stop their overpowering shadows from making The Marvels another Quantumania for us.

Where did the Skrulls go? Because New Asgard is not an option

Those Skrulls whom Carol does manage to rescue from the planet Tarnax are then taken by Valkyrie, who promises to relocate them. Seeing that Asgardians themselves saw their planet destroyed, leaving them nowhere else to go but Earth, it seems that Valkyrie couldn’t relocate the Skrulls anywhere else.

But taking them to New Asgard is also impossible. Just like its six-episode run, Secret Invasion’s conclusion was also a major mess, one which saw President Ritson declare all aliens as enemies, and promise that America will find them and kill them all. It is already a wonder that the Asgardians are allowed to stay amidst such an hostile environment, and seeing that Ritson’s anger was particularly directed towards the Skrulls, it is hardly a sensible decision to take them towards certain death.

How are there more Skrulls? The existing statistics don’t add up

Secret Invasion established that the million Skrulls on Earth are all that remained of the alien species, and yet a much larger number is seen residing on the planet Tarnax. Were Fury and the Earth-residing Skrulls not aware that a perfectly good planet, inhabited by their people, was available? Carol was MIA for years, but she did meet up with Fury during and after the Battle of Earth — did they never discuss the million shape-shifting aliens they brought to Earth and swore to protect?

Where did Nick Fury’s wife Varra aka Priscilla go?

I swear, I am done with Secret Invasion-related inconsistencies, but first, where is Varra? The Marvel series ended its disappointing streak with Fury and Varra departing for SABER in a spaceship together. And yet, there was no sign of Varra throughout the film. Was she finally pissed with Fury’s inability to see past her Skrull looks, and finally left his one-eyed ass in cosmic dust to go live her life?

How are the planets that Dar-Benn siphoned from “recovering?”

Dar-Benn used the combined powers of her Universal Weapon and the bangle to siphon off the atmosphere of Tarnax, and the water of Aladna, and whisk them away to her dying planet, Hala. But in the closing minutes of the film, we are given a one-line closure about the planets’ fate — that they are (somehow) “recovering.” How?

Did Carol use Dar-Benn’s weapon to reverse this situation? But, Kamala immediately returned to Earth with her bangle after the fight, and we have no confirmation that Carol wore it, so who wore it to combine its powers with the powerful staff to reverse what Dar-Benn had done? 

Or are the planets just recovering on their own? It is depicted that Carol only manages to save a few Skrulls after Dar-Benn sucks their atmosphere, but no help came for Aldana. Surely having no water, which is also important to maintain that so-called thing called atmosphere, everybody perished? We saw the immediate effects of Dar-Benn’s attack on Tarnax. So, by that logic, did Carol leave everyone on Aladna, even her dear husband, to die a very painful death?

Why did Dar-Benn start withering away the second she put on the two bangles, but Kamala didn’t?

Yes, we have been dancing around the fact that Kamala is a mutant, but that hasn’t been confirmed. We have no explanation why Dar-Benn went into default destruction mode upon wearing them, but Kamala didn’t — even if she is a mutant, how does that protect her?

How is Kamala using her powers when she has no bangles on?

Kamala got her powers in Ms. Marvel after she wore the bangles, and has not exhibited her powers without them once, even though it has been teased that the bangle merely unlocked her dormant powers. But after Carol fails to stop Dar-Benn from clashing the Quantum Bands, the villain explodes, leaving Monica rushing to save a momentarily stunned Captain Marvel floating in space … amid the two bangles. Just then, Kamala makes a giant crystal fist — again, without wearing the bangles — and whisks them away to safety.

So Dar-Benn’s bangle absorbs the energy thrown at it, but Kamala’s doesn’t?

For some reason, which we are sure will never be explained, Dar-Benn constantly absorbed the energy blasts by Carol and Monica, powering up on it. But when she hit Kamala with her powers, the latter’s bangle didn’t perform the same trick. Are the two different? Or did the writers forget, in their haste to give Dar-Benn some edge, that they are the same?

Do Kamala’s parents move from New Jersey to Louisiana just because their house needs renovations?

The initial tussle with the Kree left the Khan’s house in shambles. But surely that is no reason to travel that far. It is not like their house can never be renovated, or their new residence will offer extra security. America is already aware that Kamala is a superhero, so there is no hiding, and Carol is never really around to provide 24/7 protection to them.

Let’s talk about the convenient presence of the baby Flerkens

Okay, we are not even questioning how Goose laid eggs, and the whole reproduction process. But that was one convenient birth of Flerken on a ship ready to go down and in need of immediate evacuation.

Do you know what the actual joke is? That the whole film was designed without intending to meet any expectation, whether sensible or baldly insane, and was simply rolled out as filler in order to bring in the X-Men. Not a single plot point of The Marvels is going to affect the MCU in the long term or short term. And if the X-Men reveal was that was all they were aiming for, Marvel could have simply stuffed Monica into No Way Home.