It doesn’t matter how great of a match Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom seemed to be, at the end of the day — he loved drugs more than he loved her and that was the demise of their marriage. The basketball player is opening up in his new memoir about some of the things that he’s done.

This includes heavy drug use and sex addiction. In his upcoming release titled ‘Darkness to Light,’ Odom recalls sleeping with over 2,000 women and doing copious amounts of cocaine,

In an excerpt obtained by People, Lamar writes about extreme regret for the way his marriage to Khloe went.

“I wish I could have been more of a man. It still bothers me to this day. But regret is something we have to learn to live with. For a while, being with her was bliss and I was the happiest I’ve ever been. We were one of the most famous couples in Hollywood and we made more money together than we had individually.”

Although things were going good, Lamar was struggling with addiction and mental illness. He hid the drug use from her when they first got together.

“At the start of our marriage I was faithful to her. I could not handle the lethal cocktail of the spotlight, addiction, a diminishing career and infidelity. Oh, did I mention the paranoia, anxiety, depression. … I couldn’t keep my d— in my pants or the coke out of my nose. Drug addicts are incredibly skilled at hiding their habit. I’d get defensive and Khloe would just drop it.”

Khloe learned of all the things Lamar was hiding from her and eventually separated from him. In 2015, Lamar was found unresponsive at a brothel in Las Vegas, Khloe immediately rushed to his side although at the time she was dating someone else.

Khloe’s loyalty even surprised Lamar.

“I remember waking up and her showing me pictures of my mother. I was surprised on how quick she was to show her devotion to me.”

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Lamar explained that he misses the family and hopes they can be friends one day.